I actually do this every month, with the dentist every four and doctor every six; I was lucky in that they all happened on the same day this week.

So this was my “Day of Beauty”:

Chiropractor – ok, shirt gets a bit rumpled, no big deal.

Doctor – quick checkup, blood tests, a little blood on my sleeve because I refuse to wear band-aids, okay, still not a big deal.

Dentist – to get my teeth cleaned. By the time she’s done, of course, all of the makeup on the bottom half of my face is gone…

Pedicure – ahh, warm water, leg massage… but she’s torture on my toes… eek the bottom of my pants got wet, and now I’m wearing funky flip-flops (in the middle of winter) so my toenail polish doesn’t smear. It is worth it for healthy nails for weeks, but there is always one toe somewhere that is sore for a day or two. Add a limp for the rest of the day…

Eyebrows waxed – yes, I’m Italian, the champions of the unibrow. Any makeup the dentist/hygienist might have missed is now gone, plus my forehead and eyes are bright red.

Haircut – always the same hairdresser, the only one who will cut my hair short enough for the style I like without having to revisit every three weeks. She’s great at cutting, not so good at the styling. So now the top of my shirt is damp, I have tiny itchy hairs stuck all over me, and I somehow have hair like Peg Bundy with a crew cut. Add the fact that my haircolor has been mostly trimmed off, and I’ve aged five years due to all the gray hair showing.

Now, at home, to color my hair – lets top off this “Day of Beauty decline” with stinky stuff on my hair and a grocery bag over my head. It is amazing how, as the beauty treatments progress, the uglier I look… but at least I’ll look awesome tomorrow!

Oh wait, tomorrow I have to wear junky clothes to bleach and scrub my bathroom, because after coloring my hair, it looks like Psycho in there…

It is a good thing we love to look good for you guys. Being pretty is ugly work!